A study from Stanford University showed that during a first date, the longer the conversation lasts, the less superficial things like your physical appearance become important to your potential partner. If you play your cards right and say the right things, you are guaranteed a second date. So here are the 10 sexiest things to say to a woman on a first date to make her knees buckle.
1. “This dress looks beautiful on you.”
If you feel chemistry, it is important to let your date know immediately that you are attracted to her. “Not only do women want to feel sexually attracted to their date, but they also want their date to be sexually attracted to them,” says Rhonda Milrad, founder and senior relationship consultant of the RelationUp app. “In fact, in this case, women are more likely to feel attracted in return. So compliment her.”
2. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll call them back later.”
Using a mobile phone is a major irritant for many daters, according to the annual Singles in America study by Match.com. The researchers found that 75% of singles do not get a second date if they answer their cell phone on the first date. In addition, 66% say they do not like to be interrupted during their date by a text message and 41% simply think that having your phone on the table face-up is simply rude.
3. “Did you hear what [name a known and important person] said yesterday?”
Research by Dan Ariely, a behavioural economist and Duke University professor, has shown that asking highly controversial questions such as “What do you think of abortion” or “Have you ever had someone break your heart?” eventually creates more interesting, meaningful and appealing conversations than questions about pastimes, family or work. Of course, these topics are important, but asking a question that requires emotional consideration and openness to values establishes a level of trust that is necessary for a deeper level of attraction.
4. “I know what you mean. It reminds me of the time when…”
The Stanford study mentioned earlier revealed that women felt most strongly connected to the men who interrupted them – but probably not in the way you imagine. To be clear: cutting someone off to dominate the conversation is not attractive. But according to this research, successful dates included exchanges in which the man skillfully interrupted the woman to say something that showed that they had a shared experience. For example, an ideal exchange would be for the woman to say something like: “I saw Radiohead last summer and they were incredible” and the man stops her to say: “I’m so jealous – Radiohead is one of my favourite bands, too” before letting her continue. In other words, interruptions can be a good thing, as long as they are made to show that you are careful.
5. “I really want children” or “Marriage is important to me”.
Knowing what you want, being in contact with who you are and what you are looking for is definitely an attractive quality. “Feel free to specify what is important to you in a relationship and for your future life,” Milrad advises. If you are looking for a relaxed and unattached relationship, she may want the same thing. If you are hoping to embark on a long-term relationship, don’t be afraid to let her know. Whatever your ultimate goal, it is worth sharing to deepen your connection and ensure that you are both on the same page. As Milrad points out, by being clear and honest from the outset, you save time and energy in the long term.
6. “On a Sunday morning, I love to…”
“The more a man can build an image of his life that includes the woman, the more likely she is to be interested,” explains Gretchen Kubacky, Psy.D., a Los Angeles-based psychologist. For example, saying that you like being active is not interesting. But if you say, “I like to get up on a Sunday morning, have a coffee and a croissant at my favourite coffee shop, then go down to the beach with my surfboard and tackle the waves”, it gives him a clear idea of what you mean. Then continue with a question like: “Do you surf? Otherwise, I’d like to teach you. It’s so much fun.” In this way, your date can decide whether or not what you like to do seems interesting to her. Kubacky notes that such statements are an invitation to deeper conversations, which “begin to build a more complete and attractive picture of what your life might look like”.
7. “My family is really important to me.”
According to Paul DePompo, a psychologist based in Newport Beach, a good relationship with your family, or even with your loved ones, is certainly something you want to show off on a first date. “If you have good relationships with family and friends, it proves that you are capable of the reciprocity necessary for a healthy relationship,” he explains. Basically, it reinforces the idea that you are a caring person who is able to have meaningful and lasting relationships. For most women, this is a huge advantage. “It also sends a message that you know how to balance your life and that you are able to have good boundaries,” explains DePompo.
8. “Thank you”.
Simple, but true. Kubacky says that showing that you are kind and polite is not only very attractive, but it is also a very important quality for most women looking for a partner. Your kindness should not only be confined to her. Be cordial to servers, bartenders and anyone else you interact with during the date. By showing that you believe that all people are worthy of respect, you establish that you are a good man and it’s sexy.
9. “I like hiking, too. We should do it together sometime.”
Yes, being offered a second date when the time comes is sexy: “For most people, it is better to wait until the high point of the evening and once you have found similar interests or values, explain how you would like to share this experience with her,” explains DePompo. This shows that you are really interested in continuing the relationship, which will make her more likely to accept future dates with you.
10. “I’m not free on Friday, but would Saturday be okay for you?”
This gives the illusion that you are busy and that you are a person in demand. “It may be supply and demand at work, but people feel special when they know that your time is precious and that you still make them one of your priorities,” says DePompo. And while the mystery is sexy, you don’t want to be a jerk. “Tell her that you understand that a good relationship is about quality time and that even if you have many important commitments, you know that to have a good relationship, it is essential,” he adds.